By ANDY GILCHRIST
Staff Writer
Now that Thanksgiving has passed, it’s time to start re-watching all the classic holiday films. The Hallmark Channel and ABC Family will air literally every Christmas TV movie ever made, while anticipation has already begun for TBS’s all day Christmas Day marathon of A Christmas Story.
But what are you supposed to do if you get tired of the same old feel-good Christmas films? What if you just can’t take another viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, or Home Alone? Have the jokes from The Santa Clause, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and Elf gotten stale? If you agreed with that last sentence, seek counseling.
But seriously, if you need an alternative list of holiday films this season, here is a list of films that barely qualify. None of the films on this list are centered on Christmas, but since they are somewhat Christmas-related, they count. Enjoy!
10. Iron Man 3
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Ben Kingsley
Synopsis: It’s been six months since the destruction of New York City, and Tony Stark is still trying to move on. But while the rest of the world embraces the holiday spirit, Stark must face off with his most dangerous enemy yet: the terrorist known as The Mandarin. Simultaneously, former colleague Aldrich Killian resurfaces, causing Stark problems on the business side. As Stark tries to fight two battles, he realizes that something much more sinister is happening.
9. The Long Kiss Goodnight
Starring: Geena Davis, Samuel L. Jackson, Brian Cox, Yvonne Zima
Synopsis: Eight years ago, Samantha Caine washed up pregnant on a New Jersey beach with amnesia. Ever since, she’s hired every private investigator she can afford to find out her story, but no results have ever turned up. One day, a holiday parade she participates in is broadcast in a prison and an inmate says he knows her; he says she’s CIA agent Charly Baltimore, who’s been missing for eight years.
8. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Monaghan, Corbin Bernsen
Synopsis: Harry Lockhart is a small-time crook who runs into an acting audition trying to get away from a botched robbery. Interpreting his frantic behavior as an actual audition, he is given a role in a film and begins shadowing a real P.I. to get into character. In the ensuing weeks, they encounter struggling actresses, dead bodies, hitmen, and all other sorts of Hollywood lowlifes.
7. Trading Places
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Denholm Elliott
Synopsis: In a modern day adaptation of Pygmalion and The Prince and the Pauper, stockbroker Louis Winthorpe III and street hustler Billy Ray Valentine switch places during the holiday season for the amusement of the two owners of the firm. When they meet and realize what is going on, they hatch a plan to manipulate the stock market and get revenge.
6. Die Hard 2
Starring: Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, Dennis Franz, Fred Thompson, William Sadler
Synopsis: A year after the Nakatomi Plaza event, John McClane is waiting to pick up his wife, Holly, at Washington D.C.’s Dulles International Airport for a Christmas vacation. But being the wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time, McClane walks right into a terrorist plot to free a foreign dictator facing charges in America. With his wife’s plane running low on fuel and the airport being held hostage, McClane must jump into action to save the day.
5. Gremlins
Starring: Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Howie Mandel, Frank Welker
Synopsis: Struggling to come up with a present to buy his son for Christmas, Randall Peltzer buys a mysterious creature called a Mogwai in Chinatown. The Mogwai needs to follow three strict rules: never give it sunlight, water, or food after midnight. Naturally, Frank’s son, Billy, ignores these rules and chaos ensues.
4. Lethal Weapon
Starring: Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Mitchell Ryan, Gary Busey
Synopsis: Martin Riggs is a cop on the edge of a nervous breakdown after the recent death of his wife. Roger Murtaugh is an aging homicide detective who always seems to be on the edge of retirement. Reluctantly paired together, they investigate a suicide that leads to the international drug trade and connections to both men’s pasts in Vietnam.
3. Batman Returns
Starring: Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny De Vito, Christopher Walken
Synopsis: Nearly 15 years before Christian Bale growled through Gotham, Michael Keaton’s Dark Knight deals with The Penguin, a malevolent and deformed man infatuated with taking over the city by running for mayor. Simultaneously, the mysterious Catwoman appears, a burglar obsessed with Batman as much as she is with revenge on her enemies. Amidst the bright lights of Christmas, Batman must fight these two villains, amongst others, in his greatest adventure yet.
2. Eyes Wide Shut
Starring: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Sydney Pollack, Todd Field
Synopsis: In Stanley Kubrick’s final film, Bill Harford’s life is turned upside-down when his wife admits to him, after a holiday party, that she fantasizes about other men. Bill takes a walk down New York’s red-and-green-tinted streets, happening upon a cult meeting and a bizarre sexual ritual. In the days that follow, Bill finds himself being followed and begins to fear for his and his family’s lives.
1. Die Hard
Starring: Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, Alan Rickman, Reginald VelJohnson, William Atherton
Synopsis: In the best action movie ever made, John McClane travels to Los Angeles to reconcile with his estranged wife, Holly. While meeting up with her at her office Christmas party, the building is taken over by terrorist Hans Gruber and his team. Alone and without shoes, McClane must battle a dozen heavily armed madmen, take back the building, and rescue his wife and everyone else in the building.
