By EDITORIAL STAFF
Our friends over at Union College’s student newspaper, The Concordiensis, put together a list of predictions for 2012. We figured we’d take a page from their…ahem…newspaper and come up with our own. So, here is The Chronicle Editorial Staff’s own crack at prophesying the forthcoming year!
1. The Occupy Albany camp may be dispersed, but they are not broken! They will return to Academy Park when the nice weather does.
2. With network TV struggling to maintain viewers, it’s likely that networks such as CBS will attempt to pump new blood into their lineups with several spin-off series. Perhaps most likely: CSI: Kalamazoo, The Bad Wife, and 3 Rich Girls starring Paris Hilton as all three leads.
3. Elvis will finally show his face before he leaves the building.
4. During this election year at least one politician will scoff at the need for the youth vote. Their scoffing will be legitimized by the voting percentages for 18-24 year olds.
5. Good grammer will, finally, go extinct.
6. Betty White will continue her ascent to ultimate stardom in the prepubescent world, soon eclipsing the well-known Canadian boy sensation—Justin Bieber.
7. The new “lifestyle” programs that replaced several long-running soap operas will be off the air in a year’s time. Guess what, The Chew? Rachel Ray beat you to it. Say bye bye.
8. Serious discussion, lampooning, and derision surrounding the forecasted Mayan apocalypse will gradually escalate throughout the year, with an undue amount of attention being paid to it by local college media, until Dec. 21, 2012 rolls around. When you wake up that morning it will be to a world that is (surprise!) not on fire. The whole process will start again, but this time with an end date of 2060, as predicted by Isaac Newton (Seriously, look it up.).
9. Obama will remain as President.
10. Cute kitten videos have had their time, cute puppy videos have hit their prime, now is the time of the cute baby slow lorises! Be prepared to be beset by legions of baby slow loris videos on YouTube!
11. Instead of creating new movies, Disney will only release old movies…in 3D.
