Something Sour, Something Sweet: Keith (2008)

By RACHEL BOLTON
Staff Writer

Rating: Revolting

The immortal words of Lady Gaga, “Want your bad romance” tells the exact opposite of this awful love story, we do not want this bad romance. Keith is a pathetic attempt to pull at our heart strings. It tries to be deep, but ends up being a torturous affair for all involved.

Keith is about a girl named Natalie who has it all. She’s going to go to Duke University, she’s in every club at school, she plays tennis, has awesome friends, and a hot Spanish boyfriend. Then the school loser shows up. Keith, played by Jesse McCartney (you know, that guy we all liked back in the day?) ends up being Natalie’s lab partner and for some reason he takes an interest in her.  Keith is an annoying pain in the butt and he bugs and stalks Natalie until she agrees to hang out with him. Remember ladies and gents, this is supposed to be charming.

Natalie eventually gives in and she goes on a series on non-dates with Keith. Because he is just so funny and strange,  Keith takes her to do constructive things like putting bowling balls on their teachers’ lawns and making her think that he is about to drive his truck off a cliff. By using his delinquent emo-ness, Natalie falls in love with him, despite the fact that he is a jerk to her.

The draw of this movie is what is wrong with Keith.  The big twist of the movie is that Keith is dying of cancer. This is how the writers want to justify Keith’s callous treatment of Natalie. Instead of being a sad turn of events in their relationship like in A Walk to Remember, it becomes an out of nowhere surprise.  Keith looks healthy and not someone who has gone through the rigors of chemo.  When Natalie finds out that Keith has cancer she immediately stops being mad at him for hurting her feelings constantly.

Now this movie would not have been so bad if it was not for the way Keith slowly destroys Natalie’s life. The writers were aiming for a “nonsensical guy helps uptight girl loosen up,” instead the audience is subjected to watching Keith ruining her prospects. Because of his influence on her, she nearly loses her best friend, her college scholarship, her family, and she loses her boyfriend. (Who was not a bad guy, I guess he just wasn’t interesting for the plot).  Natalie’s life was not bad; she was on the path to a good adulthood and did not need to be “loosened up”. I do not understand why she goes back to Keith in the end. His entire life had been a lie to her.

Keith would have been a better movie if it were an intended satire on this type of romance, but no, this was all done on purpose.  The movie makes better sense if you view it as a cautionary tale of an abusive relationship. Keith abuses Natalie in numerous ways, emotionally, verbally, and sexually, and it makes me want to vomit. If you want to watch a sad romance, put on Titanic. Seriously.

Next Week: As a palate cleanser I will be watching Harry Brown AKA Michael Cain goes vigilante on a gang harassing his neighborhood.