By KYLE HUMPHREYS
Contributing Writer
In songs, from family, from friends, partners, et cetera, we hear that we should love ourselves. It’s common to overlook or disregard advice or words of wisdom after we hear it the same way over and over again. I think as a result of this, some people have forgotten what self love really is and what it means; what self love can do for a person can be amazing.
As with most concepts being from perspective, I find in my perspective that self love is to be accepting of one’s self and lack of perfection, a balance of self acceptance and self awareness. One should be aware of one’s flaws and strive to change them for the better, because let’s face it: to have no flaws or goals to achieve is unrealistic. Just be the best person you can be and try to appreciate the fact that despite said shortcomings, there’s a lot of good in you too.
You shouldn’t focus on areas of desired improvement, but also be aware of what qualities and characteristics they like about themselves. It’s easy to hate yourself because you lack qualities you desire or see in others or you don’t act the way you want to, but that doesn’t mean you should hate yourself; no good comes from self-loathing and self-deprecation.
In fact, self deprecation can lead to a sense of helplessness, and in that helplessness we feel like we can’t change or get better. People are capable of change, as we are adaptive creatures. It might be hard to change, but it doesn’t mean change is impossible. You can love yourself. You can get better. It will just take a lot of dedication and investment on your part.
And just because it involves you and loving yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t reach out to others; sometimes the things we need to do are the hardest and they can’t be tackled alone, so don’t be afraid to reach out to friends or your loved ones. They care about you.
A common misconception however is that a relationship, romantic or not, will make you love yourself, or that the love you get from your partner/friend/etc will make you whole. If you go into a relationship with the notion that it will fix you, you will most likely be let down; your partner/friend/etc can help you to love yourself, but only you can make you love you. Their love will not substitute for your own.
In addition, nobody can just take your problems and make them disappear or make you the person you want to be, they can only make your problems easier and help guide you to become the person you want to be. Never use a relationship for just your personal well being.
And don’t judge your worth by how many people love you. Just because more people love someone else doesn’t mean you’re worth any less. Some of the worst people have large followings or fans but that doesn’t make them more worth loving or erase their incorrigible behavior. Don’t compare your progress to somebody else’s progress or you will just keep beating yourself down. Be happy with your own progress.
And just because you’ve made mistakes, big or small, do not mean that they define you. The day my partner left for college, he left me with parting words of wisdom: Our actions do not define us unless they become habit. Be the habit healthy or unhealthy, these are what shape and represent us. Even if the habit is unhealthy, it does not mean you are condemned to that.
You have the power to change you. Good people sometimes make bad choices and that’s okay. Just be aware of your mistakes and make every effort not to repeat them. Replace your bad habits with better ones.
In short: Believing in yourself is essential to gaining a sense of achievement and/or love. Don’t wait for yourself to get better in certain aspects. Don’t wait for someone to just come along and fix everything for you, but don’t feel like you can’t go to people for help or support either because they love you and want to help you.
You can’t go into something believing “This won’t go well because nothing else has gone well.” As I said earlier, no good comes from negativity. Sure disappointment can hurt or crush you, but don’t let that feeling deter you from your goals.
You only have so much time on this beautiful earth and you can’t waste your days feeling bad about yourself when you don’t have to.
