By THERESA TAYLOR
Staff Writer
PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 15, 2011
It was a moment that was eight years in the making. On Sept. 17, Saint Rose’s own Dr. Joseph Eppink, associate professor of music, was legally wed in holy matrimony to his long-time partner, Ralph Panelli, after New York’s Marriage Equality Act had been passed into law.
The couple, who met online when Eppink was still living in Indiana, had lost touch. It wasn’t until Eppink was conducting a concert here and Panelli was in the audience that they were reunited. “We met each other, still didn’t know who [the other one] was,” said Eppink. It wasn’t until about a week later, when Eppink’s future husband called him in the middle of the night and said, “You’re Guy 38?” and Eppink said, “You’re Latin Lover 2000!” that they realized. “We’ve been together ever since,” said Eppink. “Eight years.”
When asked when it was that he and his husband first realized that they had met “the one,” Eppink said, “I think we grew into that. At that time, our kids were small, and so we became a family…we started doing things together…and once I met the kids, it was a good connection, a good fit.” Eppink and his husband are the parents of three grown children, one boy and two girls.
Eppink and Panelli first cemented their union with a commitment ceremony 7 years ago. When asked how being able to marry his life partner had been different, and what it meant to be able to legally marry as a same–sex couple, Eppink said, “It was amazing; our relationship… I don’t think it changed much, but I’m an organist, so for thirty years I’ve played weddings and never figured it’d be me, that I would be able to do this. To be able to walk up the aisle, to the music we selected… the blessings, the wedding ceremony was just an amazing thing.”
In an interview that Eppink did with the Times Union this past summer, before his September wedding, he mentioned the outpouring of support he received from the parishioners at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, where he worships. The couple wanted to marry there, but Bishop William H. “Bill” Love of the Albany Diocese would not permit priests to marry same-sex couples. In an open letter on VirtueOnline, whose motto is ‘The Voice for Global Orthodox Anglicanism,’ Love called homosexuals “loved by God,” while referring to same-sex “marriage” in quotations.
Quoting the Common Book of Prayer, which calls marriage “a solemn and public covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God,” Love said that the Diocese prepared in advance for the advent of a Marriage Equality Act, passing Canon Law 16.1 and 16.2 back in 2008, which prohibits priests from performing, blessing, or participating in same-sex marriage ceremonies.
As 2 religious men, how painful was this for Eppink and his spouse? “It is, but at the same time I also have to realize we’re all on a journey…I just pray about the situation, he will understand at some point, and that gives me great hope,” said Eppink. “In all of my years, 46, I never expected this to have ever happened in my lifetime. The church is no different; in some ways it’s a dinosaur, but there’s a lot of such wonderful people involved [in the church] and that’s what really matters.”
Love has also stated that most Anglicans support his stance against performing same–sex marriages. Eppink disagrees. “If he’s talking about this diocese or nationwide, that’s probably not as accurate, and I think that even in our diocese it’s a real split.”
Asked if he ever felt abandoned by his faith, Eppink said that, “No, in fact it’s grown. When you go through times of testing or questioning, when your faith is really there… it’s been my rock through all these years, and I would never leave it.”
As for what he thinks about religious leaders who claim to love the LGBTQ community, but refuse to recognize, participate in or perform marriages for same sex couples in their congregation, Eppink said, “A lot of it, maybe, [is] that their hands are tied as well…it will happen, it can happen, and it just takes one little person to make a difference, even in such a state as ours. It began with one person talking to another, and it will work out. In God’s perfect kingdom, it will work out.”
When asked to describe his wedding day, Eppink said, “It was an amazing event with a lot of music. Obviously, it was so wonderful to see so many of the music students participate, and the community, through the choirs and soloists. It was the formal right to wedding ceremony. At one point we had the unity sands ceremony. Everybody in our congregation was able to take a small amount of sand and pour it in [a vessel] to show their love, so we have the sand from our wedding.”
Their first dance as a married couple was to the song, “You’re the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me.”
When asked how receptive local businesses had been to them as a same-sex couple planning a wedding, Eppink said, “We had no trouble whatsoever. None. From the caterer to the hotel, they were wonderful to work with. The florist; just great… and they weren’t specifically LGBTQ businesses, but they were definitely ones that support [same sex marriages] and they did a beautiful job for us.”
As for their future plans, Eppink said, “Together, we’d like to continue to do what we can to help others in terms of the LGBTQ community” through outreach, letting them know that, “The Christian church may not be there in all areas, but we’re there… that would be the message. We just need to keep doing what we can for humankind.”
Asked if they planned to add on to their family, Eppink said, “We’re taking care of Ralph’s mom; she lives with us and is declining in years. I think it’s time for us to celebrate who we are, where we are, where we’ve been, and relax a little bit We are trained as foster parents and we had some foster children last year, but it’s okay right now to take time for us to enjoy.”
As far as what the best part of married life is, Eppink said, “We can argue and still know we’re married! It’s just enjoyable, with the release of the legal issues. It’s just relaxing now [that] we can be together and it’s okay.”
Asked if Panelli took his last name, Eppink said, “No, I told him he didn’t look like a very good Dutchman.”
If he were to give any advice to same-sex couples who are ready to take the plunge, Eppink would tell them to “Be honest and be real with what you want. It’s not a show to impress people. Do what you need to do to make it sacred for you, to make it meaningful, because that’s the important thing. Make it what is yours as a couple.”
Eppink concluded by saying that we will need to teach future generations of our children, “What happened and how we got this far.”
________________________
RELATED
