By BRIANA SPINA
News Editor
Members of the Saint Rose community gathered for a memorial at the Interfaith Sanctuary on the evening of Monday, April 16—the day it was discovered that freshman student Julia White had passed away. The space was overflowing with people: all of the chairs were taken, several sat on the floor, and still others could only stand in the back. That is a testament to the unity and support present on our campus.
President Carolyn Stefanco was the first to speak. She acknowledged that “we are shocked…hurting…confused” and encouraged the mourners to honor their grief instead of swallowing it.
“I implore you to reach out rather than shut down,” she said. “I am here to support you.”
Stefanco also reminded the audience that they are not alone; they are “part of a community in mourning.” On behalf of herself and her husband, she extended an open invitation for students to talk and approach with “anything they need.”
Many other groups on campus extended similar offers. The counseling center’s doors are wide open for anyone experiencing this loss deeply. P.S. I Love You held a special meeting to provide students with a space to have an open dialogue, emphasizing how important it is to talk about it. Similarly, Identity scheduled space outside of its regular meeting time to comfort anyone, as Julia was a member of the club. The Interfaith Sanctuary is available for support and spiritual grounding and reflection.
Before the memorial ceremony commenced, Joan Horgan, the Director of Campus Ministry, acknowledged the diversity of beliefs present in the Sanctuary that evening, and the diverse ways in which those faiths, or lack thereof, address loss. She urged people, “be gentle with it, and take what is speaking to your heart.”
The service began with a song, “Prayer for Peace,” and an opening prayer, followed by these readings: “On Tears” by Lucy Smith, “Prayer on the Death of a Child” by Gretchen Thompson, “A Parable of Immortality” by Henry VanDyke, and “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab.
In Thompson’s piece, it reads “We would beg You now for consolation,/ but can only speak the one lonely word: Why?… Help us to fathom the unfathomable;/ to offer comfort to others out of our own deep woundedness;/ to release our suffering in ways that will not continue the pain;/ to recognize and embrace kindness in the midst of cruelty;/ to find hope in the midst of overwhelming doubt…”
Together, the mourners read a response printed on the program called “Who We Really Are” from the Terma Collective. A particularly relevant part was “May guilt not rise up to form yet another wall…/ May we endure. May sorrow bond us and not separate us.”
After the readings were finished, Horgan returned to the podium with her own wisdom on the matter. She talked about how a tragedy like this evokes “powerful words that shake us” and how we tend to want to hide from these painful parts, but the reality is that these words will not disappear if we do not address them.
Using a metaphor of two roads appearing in front of oneself, Horgan discussed what happens after “our hearts are crushed and our lives are broken in half.” The first road is the road of protective apathy—not caring so as to preserve one’s own attitudes and feelings. The second is the road of love. She explained that this latter road is “where we take this moment and think ‘Can this make me more kind?’” Tragedy has a way of making us pause and reflect, and the path of love, Horgan said, will let us “say the things to loved ones which we often forget to say” and to “let go” of negative past events to live in the present.
“I need to not waste my life,” she said. “We get to wake up knowing we can bring love somewhere.”
The closing prayer was from Saint John of the Cross. It discussed how all of us must cross the river of suffering, and we are able to do so with the boat of love. After this, the mourners joined their voices to sing “Amazing Grace.”
Love and unity is vital to the healing process, and to get the positivity flowing, the mourners were invited to write condolences and memories of Julia on index cards. There was a bowl atop the altar where people could place their cards to be given to Julia’s family. The altar also bore Julia’s portrait surrounded by flowers, candles, and a cross-stitch piece with a Christian proverb called “Footprints.”
Once the audience settled back in their places, Horgan announced that the Sanctuary will continue collecting messages of love for Julia’s family all throughout the week. She closed by saying “life is unending because love is undying.”
The audience sat in solemn, unmoving silence for a lengthy period of time after that. When the room stirred, nearly everyone there came to someone’s side or had someone who came to their side. They cried together and embraced each other—a touching reminder that the Saint Rose campus is a tightly-knit community of compassionate souls.
