By JOYCE HIILS
Staff Writer
Film is exhausting. All manner of production is exhausting. The less control you have over what is being done, the more exhausting it is. And yet…the more control you have over what is being done the more exhausting it is, only less personally diminishing. There is nothing that feels worse than giving everything that you have to a project; your time, your energy, your youth. Nothing feels worse. Nothing is harder to swallow than the pangs of knowing that somewhere out there there’s a nine-to-five with your name on it, and yet, you turn it down. Will it still be there when you have nowhere else to go?
Wondering if it’s all worth it is nothing new. We think that about everything we do, conventional or not. Especially if we do everything right, everything the way that others want us to, and something goes wrong. Something goes terribly, horribly wrong and you wish you had done almost anything else. I wish I could just sit back and let life happen, but I can’t. There’s this constant need, and so many people have the solution. They swear by it, and say you should, too. Do you? Can you? Where is peace…?
Just because something is exhausting doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Just because something is all consuming doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just because something takes everything you have, and needs you to infuse it with all your heart and soul (ideally) for the enjoyment and enlightenment of your fellow persons doesn’t mean you can’t do it. But should you do it? That’s what keeps you up at night. Should you do the passion project, the thing that keeps you away every day, and out late every night, or should you do the safe thing that is easier, and perhaps better…for everyone in the long run? What is truly better? And when are you finally too tired?
